My Last Post While Pregnant

The sun is just barely starting to come up... I have been awake for an hour and a half. I just tried to lay back down to get one more hour of sleep, but to no avail. My mind is racing, so I thought I would post my feelings and what is going on... I might want to reflect back on this someday.

This was to be my last night of uninterrupted sleep for who knows how long... and ironically enough, not much sleep came. Why you ask? I am scheduled to go into the hospital in three hours to be induced. I am flooded with emotions and worry and self-doubt and a fair amount of fear. Let me just say that I am normally fundamentally opposed to being induced and even though it is about to happen to me, I still am not sure if I like it. My doc has been asking me if I want to be induced for the last two weeks and my answer has continued to be "no." I am fairly comfortable (except when I eat too much or my Restless Legs Syndrome shows up) and I always thought... "why rush things, the baby will come when he or she is ready." But, he won't let me go any longer... I was due yesterday and I have been dilated and effaced for weeks. Also, I have been having contractions for about 36 hours and nothing is happening... so weird. Don't get me wrong... I am excited to have the baby here, but I just wanted to do it on my own like the other ones. Chansey was four days early, Bella was several days early, and Spencer was almost two weeks early. With all three, I knew I was in labor, went to the hospital when the pain was more than I could handle and with the last two, had a baby in less than two hours. Easy. I looked forward to that happening again... shouldn't it be earlier and easier every time?! I guess not.

This whole situation is similar to what happened when I had Eathan. I had to go in and have pitocin and Eathan eventually had to be vacuumed out... no fun. So, I just hope this doesn't go down like that. I hope it all goes fast and easy and no heavy machinery is need to coax the baby into the world.

I am also worried about my other 4 kids. It is really hard for me to think about leaving them for a couple of days. I will miss them and when I get home, my baby won't be my baby anymore. I will have to say "hold on" more and my focus will change... all scary. So, before I lay down for a few more minutes (before I really have to start functioning) I will pray for them (and me) one more time and I hope all will be well.

The moral of the story is two-fold... 1. Just when you think you know stuff... you really don't
2. Sometimes, the best things in life come to those who wait. I say that because I have never been this far along in a pregnancy. I have waited patiently for the baby to come... I guess now I better listen to my doctor and let him help me out. The waiting is almost over.